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Biglaw Horror Stories
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:25 AM Author: Fragrant Lay Post your biglaw horror stories here, and rate them on the following scale 1-10:
1 = you're a fancy little girl 5 = enh, bros in any corporate job deal with the same 10 = biglaw is hell fraud
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:30 PM Author: indigo set (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896153) |
Date: August 1st, 2017 11:49 AM Author: Fragrant Lay This is MY story.
This is 2012, I'm a midlevel at a V5 in MFH. It is Thursday evening.
8:30 pm - I just received comments from Seller's counsel to some asset purchase agreement.
8:45 pm - Client sends me and a junior partner (let's call him Chris) an email asking for a revised draft by 6am, and then asks us to schedule an all-parties call at 9am to discuss the markup.
9:00pm - Chris asks me to give him my markup by 5am, so he can sign-off before we send to the client. Chris says he's going to check out and catch some sleep so he can review my work at 5am. Sucks, but whatever.
10:30pm - Chris calls me on my mobile asking me where I am. It is loud. I tell him I am pushing out this APA (and I think he is a scumbag for lying to me about catching sleep when he just went out for drinks). He tells me he is with a client at some bar and thinks I should join. I remind him about the deadline. He says I should stop by for 30 minutes.
11:00pm - I arrive at the bar. The client is some guy I've worked with before, and he sucks balls. Chris orders another bottle of whiskey. I try to limit my intake but client busts my balls so I drink.
1:30am - they finally let me leave. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I'm buzzing, tired and panicking because we don't have much time left.
2:00am - I make it back to my office, chug a red bull and start jamming.
4:58am - I have finished the markup, done as much proofreading as I can, and send the draft off to Chris and tell him I am going to wait until 6:00am for him to revert back (in case he is sleeping) or else I will send off to client.
5:05am - Chris calls me thanking me for my hard work and tells me to get some sleep and be ready for the 9:00am call.
8:15am - I wake up, take a quick shower and start walking to the office. I check my blackberry. Among the numerous calender invite acceptances, a couple BS marketing emails from legal translation or discovery service firms, I see an email addressed to me from Chris with no subject. I assume it is going to be a "thank you" email and pull out a cigarette to smoke.
The email is written in all caps. "ARE YOU TOO LAZY TO EVEN PROOFREAD YOUR WORK THERE ARE NUMEROUS TYPOS THIS IS EMBARRASSING WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR INABILITY TO RUN A SPELL CHECK"
Before and after the call I double check my work, terrified I might find some glaring horrific typo or mistake. I can't find shit. I take a printout to Chris, apologize for the mistake, but can he please point them out to me. He points to the Recitals and one of the defined terms. "There" should be "Their" and "niner" should be "nine." I ask if that is all, and he says "yes, but you should double check just to be sure!"
About 1 week later...
He sends me a text message asking me to pay $50 or so to help cover the client drinks that night. I guess he was over his budget or something. I ignore his text.
Two days later..
He sends me the same exact text "Hey! It was a fun night, let's do it again soon! Oh, would you mind chipping in $50 to pay for the night? Obviously I'm taking most of the burden" I can't believe what I am seeing, so I just decide to screw it and give him his $50.
6 months later...he writes me the best damn review I've ever gotten.
Lol, biglaw. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:51 AM Author: shivering mind-boggling voyeur why do you think this kind of shit is limited to biglaw? every white collar profession is like this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895927) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:55 AM Author: Fragrant Lay Fuck you no it's not. My dad was always home by 7pm and never worked weekends. At my current job, people rarely work past 7pm, and most of my friends in my current city all get off work by 6-7pm and don't work weekends.
The only jobs I can think that may be comparable are startups, investment banking and MBB consulting.
And it's not just the hours. It's the way we degrade and belittle each other. How we never compliment each other but go ape shit on each other for the tiniest of mistakes. How we intentionally set each other up for failure, rather than creating conditions to succeed. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:57 AM Author: Galvanic nursing home hominid Working weekends is the worst and a sign -- 95% of the time -- that people above you (client, supervising partner, etc.) haven't budgeted time appropriately. Getting a call at 5:30 on a Friday was the worst, because you knew what it was going to be and you also knew it could have been avoided if people weren't dicks. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895961) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:59 AM Author: Fragrant Lay Yeah, don't get me started on how many times I've worked weekends to get someone a draft by Monday morning/Sunday evening only for them to sit on it for a week. "Oh yeah I forgot about that heehee!" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895967) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:01 PM Author: Galvanic nursing home hominid A lot of it is just hazing-- "I did this shit and I will be damned if those who come after me also don't do this shit." (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895976) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:09 PM Author: Fragrant Lay I don't believe it is intentional...I just think a lot of the senior guys have poor organizational skills and don't know how to plan. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896026) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:51 AM Author: Rose boltzmann Some of the fake weekend emergencies are obviously rooted in the fact that due to the billable hour biz model the firm makes more money when their associates are working on the weekends as opposed to not working. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901673) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 10:00 AM Author: odious generalized bond Interesting point - they know you'll be billing from 9-5 M-F anyway. If they make you work Saturday it's not like it's going to cut into your workweek billables (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33909333) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:29 PM Author: Dark Histrionic Piazza Telephone There are definitely a few inhouse attys where I work known for ruining ppl's weekends for no reason other than wanting it asap. Meeting is for 2 weeks away, but they need it now! Lol. Fcukers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896537) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:38 PM Author: ungodly area Lolno (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896219) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:55 AM Author: Galvanic nursing home hominid The obsession with typos in law is kinda weird. Had partner tell me once that lawyers are like carpenters and words are our nails and that each nail has to be perfect -- blah, blah, blah, buncha shit -- so make SURE your work has no typos.
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:57 AM Author: Fragrant Lay I once saw a partner screaming and throwing papers at a junior saying he was going to dock his pay the next time he found a typo. Lul, docking your pay what a fucking boomer. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895960) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:00 PM Author: mischievous beady-eyed resort Part of it is that lawyers are horrible, part of it is that glaring typos on the first couple pages do make you look really amateur, and part of it is that bankers are the same - you send around a 200 page prospectus with a typo and there is a decent chance some MD at the bank is gonna tell you that "the" is "th" on page 137 in the MD&A. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895973) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:03 PM Author: Galvanic nursing home hominid Yeah, I agree it looks amateur and it is a slippery slope to just accepting sloppy writing in general, but a typo here and there is inevitable when you review your own stuff -- at least for me. I hate reviewing what I just wrote. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33895984) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:10 PM Author: Fragrant Lay When I used to read 8-Ks for merger agreements, etc., almost every single document on EDGAR has some typo or formatting error. It doesn't matter if it is for a $10 billion deal and drafted by Wachtell, there's going to be typos.
Of course certain typos can be dangerous, like incorrect internal cross-references, using defined terms which aren't actually defined anywhere, etc. But a double "the the" in a 200 page document, enh I could careless. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:32 PM Author: Poppy angry space "enh I could careless."
Oh what a biglaw scholar! |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:40 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Ouch. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896231) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 3:56 PM Author: mischievous beady-eyed resort Yeah, and typos in disclosure (as opposed to typos in contracts) are basically harmless. Especially, in things like prospectuses/offering memoranda - if the lawyers don't catch it before the deal launches, NO ONE will ever catch it afterwards, because no one's going to read that fucker again.
With contracts sometimes you go back through an old contract and you're like, well, fuck, we're in default on $7 billion of debt and we have been for years, better fix that. It's super-rare for it to actually matter though, it's just kind of embarrassing |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:57 PM Author: Boyish gunner Agree. And because it is hard for nonexperts to judge the merit of legal advice, after a dumb typo or two in the appearance, you lose the benefit of the doubt on the substance. It sucks, but I do the same thing when reading something. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900912) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:38 PM Author: avocado sinister locale There are true stories about losing billions over a comma. But obviously comma splicing is not the typo partners are able to spot. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896607) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:46 PM Author: Fragrant Lay I may be wrong but I believe that was like literally one story from like 20 years ago that gets regurgitated all the time and if I recall was in some weird shit jurisdiction.
Same story about the "and" being mixed up with "or" costing a client millions, although that is a serious fuck up. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:59 PM Author: Boyish gunner And/or, cross references, and improper use of commas can all be huge.
The case you're talking about is Canada, 2006.
Canada, 2006.
“This agreement shall be effective from the date it is made and shall continue in force for a period of five (5) years from the date it is made, and thereafter for successive five (5) year terms, unless and until terminated by one year prior notice in writing by either party.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/25/business/worldbusiness/25comma.html |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 8:05 AM Author: nofapping marvelous knife stage The story is told that this is an issue of a comma, but really this is an issue of shit drafting. I don't know why so many attorneys try to cram so much into a single sentence. At the very least, use semi-colons and provided that and be clear about how the termination works (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901783) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:30 PM Author: Fragrant Lay It really is shit drafting that they tried to hand-wave away with a comma. Lol.
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 12:43 AM Author: contagious locus lol article had an error
Correction: A caption in Business Day on Wednesday with an article about a contract dispute between two Canadian companies that turns on the placement of a single comma and could be worth $1 million Canadian dollars, misidentified the location of the disputed punctuation. It is the third comma shown in the copy of the contract - not the second.
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 9:25 AM Author: Exhilarant Shimmering Plaza Patrolman Ever seen a wall with the sheetrock ripped off? Nails all over the fucking place put in wrong (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33902016) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:30 PM Author: indigo set I give it a 7 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896156) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:37 PM Author: avocado sinister locale U maed it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896600) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:06 PM Author: Fragrant Lay SECOND story:
I am in London, 2011, it is a Thursday. I just finished a client meeting and am on my way to Heathrow to fly back to NYC. My parents are also on a plane on their way to NYC to spend time with me, help me move. The movers are coming on Saturday morning.
I'm in a car when partner (let's call him Steve) calls me asking me if I'm already on the way to the airport. I say yes. He hesitates, and asks if I wouldn't mind staying for a few more days for some more in-person drafting sessions. I tell him about my parents and the move. He says "oh...well in that case, yeah, why don't you fly back, I might have needed you here but uhm...never mind it's OK don't worry about it."
I get on the plane, text my parents that I'm at the airport.
I land in JFK, turn on my blackberry as we're taxiing to the gate. Lots of emails. One of them reads, "hey I'm really sorry but I need you to stay at the airport, call Debrah (secretary) and get the next return flight back to London."
I end up asking my parents to move my shit for me and to enjoy NYC without me. I fly back to London. We show up to drafting session the next morning with client but counterparty doesn't show. Counterparty says they need some time to discuss internally. We are told to fly back home. Deal dies a day or two later. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:11 PM Author: glittery jewess market lmfao. you couldn't do this over the phone, because....?? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896040) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:13 PM Author: Fragrant Lay You don't think we asked that question? You'd be surprised at how basically everyone OTHER THAN Americans prefer to do face to face meetings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896050) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:32 PM Author: abnormal electric library how i know this story is not flame:
He says "oh...well in that case, yeah, why don't you fly back, I might have needed you here but uhm...never mind it's OK don't worry about it."
just the passive aggressive - want to TELL you to stay but doesn't have the guts to actually order you is a strong touch to the story. you get the hyper aholes, and this type in professional services... |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:08 AM Author: Boyish gunner agree 100%. If he had stayed per the first call, it's bad. But doing it this way is dumber, and a quintessential biglaw experience (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900986) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:31 PM Author: indigo set 8 but something tells me you could have prevented this (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896165) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:40 PM Author: Fragrant Lay I was a junior trying not to get fired at all costs... (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896237) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 12:55 PM Author: Outnumbered medicated legend 5
Annoying but clients dick around all the time. Brits aren't even that bad, some of us have to deal with the Chinese, Russians and Arabs. Not sure partner did anything wrong here, he let you know what was up and you made your decision. This is the nature of professional services, just be glad you don't deal with this shit for 80k at some audit firm. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 3:31 PM Author: Lake people who are hurt Nothing worse than dealing with the A-rabs (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33897324) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 2:19 PM Author: Dark Histrionic Piazza Telephone Fucked up way to make your parents do the move for you. Real talk though, why didn't you ask the partner/firm to cover the costs of hiring movers? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896868) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 3:59 PM Author: yellow talented reading party 4. You got to bill two international flights. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33897530) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:12 AM Author: hairraiser frisky partner national (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901656) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:52 AM Author: concupiscible lavender old irish cottage yarmulke (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901676) |
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Date: April 13th, 2018 5:37 PM Author: Big-titted trump supporter This made me LOL. I've literally never heard of anything this insane. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35835314) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:02 PM Author: Idiotic institution They've faded from memory, which is good but sad because I put in the time. There are just so many little passive-aggressive things, little power games, or general uncaring behavior. Probably not the worst, but I remember:
1. Wednesday before my first Thanksgiving at the firm (and I love Thanksgiving at home): "What time are you planning to come back?" "My flight gets in Sunday night." "Hm, well, we were planning to work on Friday on Project XYZ and could really use you around..." *pays a shitton to get back early Friday morning; plays secretary bitch for like half a day running people's changes who aren't even in the office; spends rest of the weekend alone in apartment*
2. I worked ~38 straight hours Thurs-Fri. Dropped hard copies of the draft off at the senior associate's and partner's houses, went home, crashed, didn't even set an alarm. Saturday morning I wake up without the alarm, see an email that the partner was stopping by my apartment unannounced to drop off a mark-up on the way to his daughter's hockey game. Look out the window, and he's pulling right up. I throw on who knows what, meet him downstairs, he laughs when he sees me disheveled and unshowered, and hands me the draft, and then I get to run changes.
3. For whatever reason, partners want a mock-up S-1 for a pitch. I'm an M&A associate and have never seen an S-1 and am junior enough that I don't really know what it means -- I was doing mostly private deals at the time. I don't even know where to find them, but the partner tells me about EDGAR and looks at me like I'm from Mars. I spend the entire fucking weekend on this thing. It was one of my first assignments after I lateralled and I wanted to do a decent job. I get it to them late Sunday night, don't hear anything, and then the one tells me days later that they just wanted a cover page for the company with a stack of paper behind it -- just for appearances, and no one was going to look at it. It occurred to me a few years later that they were just hazing me, but this guy has ended up sending me business now, so whatever. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:06 PM Author: Fragrant Lay LOL.
Also, OMFG I had something nearly identical to your #3 happen to me, except it wasn't a joke. They truly wanted a "mock" S-1 shell for an IPO pitch. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 10:25 PM Author: free-loading ivory sanctuary hold on you drafted a fake S-1 by accident?
lol |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:06 AM Author: Boyish gunner The first two sound super painful, but they're typical. The third would bother me the most because it's just so, so pointless. Over a weekend. You're spinning your wheels. And it might have been a joke? You never get that time back. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900971) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 3:37 PM Author: Charismatic electric furnace On #1, I would have just told the guy that you would be fully available by email and phone....I mean, what's the point of actually physically being in the office, I lasted 7 years in biglaw without being in the office on a weekend for more than maybe 2 days ever. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33904353) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:01 PM Author: nofapping marvelous knife stage Or at least have the firm pay for the flight changes and bill the flight back (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33905399) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:23 PM Author: Painfully honest base My last job wasn't in BIGLAW or even law for that matter but I realize my former boss was basically a BIGLAW boomer partner just in a different industry and making less money. I remember my small team and I were informally meeting to discuss how to handle the Friday after Thanksgiving and her response was something like "It's Friday we'll be working". Keep in mind nobody else from the office would be there nor would most of the other businesses we deal with day to day. There was zero that had to be done. She then went on to explain how she had worked 12 hours a previous Thanksgiving doing something that should have been about 30 minutes tops. LOL boomers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896490) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:37 PM Author: Fragrant Lay I give this a 5. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896601) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:41 PM Author: Painfully honest base Fair. I now realize everything I hated about that job is basically par for the course in BIGLAW. Also, LOL at technically inept boomers. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896622) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:29 PM Author: yellow talented reading party 1. Was visiting my mother in her long-term care facility (Alzheimer's). Received an email asking me to get on a call and then run some changes. After trying to postpone for a few hours was told it absolutely couldn't wait.
2. Requested, as a senior associate, the ability to do a part time schedule for the next year. I wanted Friday through Sunday off twice a month in order to travel home and visit mom. Was denied. Spent much of that year covering for a woman who took her fourth maternity leave in five years, who didn't work Fridays, and who was out for the Sabbath all Saturday. Spot the differences between me and her?
3. Was driving to Mom's funeral with my wife and got a call from a partner telling me to pull over and have my wife drive so that I could do a call and then turn a doc from my laptop tethered to my phone while on the highway.
Bonus: Same partner responsible for much of this made my buddy work on his wedding day. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:30 PM Author: ungodly area Lol bullshit (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896544) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:33 PM Author: yellow talented reading party Oh, sorry, forgot my place. This is, quite painfully, not flame. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896571) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:32 PM Author: magenta razzle-dazzle chad new version 2. Requested, as a senior associate, the ability to do a part time schedule for the next year. I wanted Friday through Sunday off twice a month in order to travel home and visit mom. Was denied. Spent much of that year covering for a woman who took her fourth maternity leave in five years, who didn't work Fridays, and who was out for the Sabbath all Saturday. Spot the differences between me and her?
She wasn't a weak-ass bitch? |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:34 PM Author: yellow talented reading party ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896574) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:42 PM Author: avocado sinister locale ? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896630) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:34 PM Author: Painfully honest base How long did you last in BIGLAW? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896579) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:36 PM Author: yellow talented reading party Just over four years. Left for the government --> lobbying -- > in-house (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896591) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:26 PM Author: exciting pocket flask 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33902990) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:36 PM Author: Offensive filthpig skinny woman jfc man (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896586) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:38 PM Author: Fragrant Lay 1. 7 2. 4 3. 10
The last one is just cruel, not even my V5 would touch you for funerals man, and we had a reputation as a sweat shop... |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:43 PM Author: yellow talented reading party I generally agree with your ratings.
I would reserve a 10 for the female lateral partner who had a stress induced heart attack in the lobby of her firm. Within hours the other partners had carved up her clients and cut her out of deals. She came back within a week to find her practice gutted and was pushed out that same year. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:44 PM Author: Fragrant Lay JFC.
TBF, those weren't really "Her" clients if they betrayed her like that. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:49 PM Author: yellow talented reading party I think a few didn't care what tax autist was servicing their work and a few others didn't really know what was going on until the firm had the long knives firmly in her back. Some of the good ones eventually followed her to the next firm, but it was a pretty successful raid on her book plus a way to push out a lateral they may not have wanted anymore for one reason or another. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896686) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:52 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Well, at least she's healthy and OK now.
While I was in biglaw, one partner I worked with died of a heart attack, another had a stroke and is permanately disabled now and a handful of associates I knew have had miscarraiges, got cancer, died or otherwise had to quit for medical reasons (all in their 30s).
I've had moments where I would pass out in the shower, puke my guts out from stress related digestion problems, numerous dizzy spells, etc. Hell I even started sleep-walking. It was going to kill me one day. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:15 AM Author: Boyish gunner I saw a lot of young people suffer from health issues at biglaw too. Heart attacks, stroke, acid reflux/anxiety, exacerbated mental illness and substance abuse, etc.
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:28 PM Author: exciting pocket flask I know a partner with a brain tumor who kept working despite being on meds and being loopy....he ended up dying, and spending his last moments at the office instead of with his kids. OH WHAT A PROFESSION. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33902998) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:34 PM Author: Sable sandwich brunch Power went out at office one winter night at like 6:30 pm. Pitch dark in the office. All of a sudden a service partner comes running through the halls with butcher knife and starts stabbing everyone. Complete bloodbath. I closed my door and he was stabbing through the door. Felt like a horror movie (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896577) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 4:39 PM Author: Tantric mother police squad i laffo'd (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33897788) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 10:17 PM Author: Jade Spectacular Orchestra Pit I give it a 7. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900086) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 9:22 AM Author: Grizzly Business Firm (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33902008) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 3:33 PM Author: umber alpha 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33904328) |
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Date: February 25th, 2018 2:36 PM Author: Unhinged tanning salon tattoo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35484018) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:35 PM Author: avocado sinister locale I'm a second year and went on a 40 minute jog at 7 p.m, no phone. Returned to an email thread that began at 7:01 that, by the end, described me as not responsive, questioned my loyalty to the firm, and concluded that they should get a different junior up to speed to resolve the issue that evening. I responded at 7:45 and completely resolved the issue.
This involved my absolute favorite partner to work for. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:37 PM Author: abnormal electric library was this a habitual thing with them or just one off? the name calling/questioning loyalty, etc are all defense mechanisms of the weak. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896596) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:39 PM Author: avocado sinister locale No, it came from a place of trying to overachieve for the client. They were genuinely fretting about my future as an associate, with a favorable view of my performance this far. To be somewhat fair they were on the west coast and it was 4 pm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896615) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:43 PM Author: abnormal electric library ok, i can see the time change being an issue and i don't know enough about the deal to question whether or not you should be jogging at 4 pm west coast time. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896641) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:43 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Need more context, i.e., time sensitive matter, tight deadline, etc.
Just some survival tips, assuming you want to make it for a few more years, next time you decide to leave the office for anything other than picking up takeout, tell your deal team you'll be out of office for something urgent but will be back asap. The key is to lie. Don't tell them you're going to the gym, say you need to go pick up some prescription meds or some shit. Also say you'll only be gone for about half the time you expect to be gone for.
So you should have said, "hey I need to run to pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions, it'll only be 20 minutes." If they question you on the 20 minutes when you get back, say the pharmacist was away and it took 15 minutes to track her down. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:45 PM Author: avocado sinister locale I'm a fucking litigator. I had finished a memo. I never told them shit and my office was 80 percent empty by 6:30. And I am now in-house. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896658) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 10:52 PM Author: bright marketing idea step-uncle's house Litigator . . . in house . . . next time don't lay the flame on so thick (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900389) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:36 PM Author: Offensive filthpig skinny woman fuck this htread is giving me PTSD (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896589) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:28 PM Author: exciting pocket flask (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33903000) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:44 PM Author: avocado sinister locale The Are You In the Document thread was a verbatim transcription. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896643) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:47 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Lolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.
To be fair, I was the one usually having to remind boomer partners to check out of the docs.
"Oh, how do I check it back in?" |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:49 PM Author: avocado sinister locale I had a partner ask me how to open Word. Told him to click on the blue W and he said nothing happened. Then he yelled because I should have more specifically said double click. He always had a stack of printed emails in his in box. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896688) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:54 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Lulz. I lost count of how many times partners have asked me to show them how to use the scanner, just to pull the "oh wait nevermind why don't you just scan it for me in the interest of time!"
And I'm like bro, I'm an 9th year I'm going to bill this time, except of course I never do lol. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:56 PM Author: avocado sinister locale I billed hours and hours related to printing and making binders. $100k in receivables, easy. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33896726) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 1:58 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Oh making binders for sure you got to bill that time, it's such a time sink.
3.5 hours - Review closing formalities; confirm receipt of closing deliverables; compile execution sets of closing deliverables; prepare closing bibles for distribution to working group; correspond with working group re closing deliverables logistics.
Hide the ball lol. |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 3:20 PM Author: jet cerebral address Why don't they get the paralegals to do the binders? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33897266) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 3:44 PM Author: avocado sinister locale Because "Do you need this today?" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33897442) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 9:26 PM Author: Fragrant Lay Paralegals are often the most popular people in the firm bc they tend to be young and somewhat attractive (both the boys and girls). They are often too busy or lazy or slow to pull through for you and you cant really touch them bc of their popularity within the firm. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33899698) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 10:16 PM Author: walnut titillating range cuck this must be a lit/corp. divide issue. attorneys in lit never make binders. sometimes you don't even need the paralegal to do it and can send it to the document duplication department. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33900074) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:48 AM Author: Rose boltzmann No - I think binders are really only a shittigator thing (maybe some borderline tranny regulatory groups do too but I don't know). But I don't know of any trannies that have binders made. Everything is deal driven so when the deals are done you get one closing set on s CD that you can opt to have made into a bound "bible" with all the docs. It's not like lit where one matter can crawl on and on for a year or two (or more) where having a binder that you can add on to really makes sense. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901670) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:09 PM Author: nofapping marvelous knife stage I'm billing reading this tread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33905443) |
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Date: August 1st, 2017 11:00 PM Author: lascivious indian lodge Had this one partner that believed every case he was ever involved with was somehow related to the California Supreme Court appeal he had won. Every single brief we wrote somehow managed to wedge this fucking case in for some argument.
Before I fully grasped how important it was that every brief for every case make reference to this case, he had me do "research" for a very vague set of facts that loosely resembled the CA Supreme Court case (but could apply to 1000 other cases) and when I came up with the 1000 other cases (after about 12 hours of research), he sat me down and gave me a long lecture about the importance of thoroughness and then pulled out the heavily highlighted copy of the case he always had with him.
It was for something completely inane like the value of extrinsic evidence in interpreting a contract. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 8:39 AM Author: Out-of-control turdskin theatre Lol has this happen to me. Boomer partner had me like write a super brief about this one decision. Would always push me on that memo and then pretend he didn't know exactly what the decision said, the procedural posture, the parties involved. Seriously slaved for weeks on this thing.
Found out later he wrote a note about that case for his law review. LJL. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 9:17 AM Author: avocado sinister locale ROFL if true (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901988) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 7:23 AM Author: stirring frum goyim op had some good stories but it looks like these turbofaggot beta cocksuckers he took orders from rubbed off on him, because he was making fun of people in another thread for being at less prestigious biglaw firms and bragging about being at a v5 (ignoring the fact that he was billing 2700 hours for similar, if not the same, money).
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 12:21 PM Author: Fragrant Lay No bro, in that thread people were making me out to be the weird one when in fact that's what top practices in MFH are like. Also, I was trying to give OP constructive advice as to how the game is played and how to survive in that environment.
I didn't make the rules, it's a meat grinder and there's really only one way to survive and that's to conform to the rules.
Did billing thousands of hours worth of due diligence exercises improve my skills as a lawyer? Maybe marginally, I'm lightning quick and can churn out high quality first drafts of DD reports and various agreements in significantly less time than my counterparts from lower ranked firms...but is it worth it? Unless you're gunning for partner, hell no. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 4:27 PM Author: stirring frum goyim you came off sounding pretty bad at points, breh. at one point you said something like "LJL is that what this board is now, people who work at fucking REED SMITH???" you came at a number of people accusing them of working at lower v100 firms. who would care about that shit other than a law student or sociopath biglawyer who has drunk the kool aid?
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 8:51 AM Author: Zombie-like naked parlour of fuck I have some good stories, I will type up tonight (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33901913) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 3:21 PM Author: Unhinged tanning salon tattoo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33904229) |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 5:53 PM Author: Charismatic electric furnace Funny. I spent 7 years at a v10 firm (not in MFH), but don't really have any terrible stories. Mostly just a few times where I had to work on a vacation or most of a 3-day week end and one vacation that I was on the fence about anyway which I had to cancel (which was mostly deals from our NY office....but this was all nature of the assignment type stuff.
TLDR: Don't do biglaw in MFH; Most of the rest of the US is much more sane and reasonable.
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 6:25 PM Author: violent state I've lived a fairly charmed life in biglaw, but I have one from my first year.
It's the week before Christmas. Bunch of people on vacation and I agreed to cover for someone. Big thing blows up for a client, who realizes that they have nobody in town the last week of the year, so need updates to like 15 different documents. Senior associate calls me and asks if I can help out on it, I say, I'm super swamped on a project that I have where a bunch of things are due that week and that I really have to work on it for most of the night (this is literally the only time in my career I ever even tried to turn something down).
She sounds frustrated but says ok. Then asks if I can do 1 of the 15 documents. I say sure, it shouldn't take me too long. But I really have to do my other work.
She then says, there's nobody else, because the other person who was a year ahead of me couldn't do it, so I have to make these changes across 15 different documents. Included in this is preparing signature pages. I prepare them all, she asks me to send them to her in PDF, I forget why, but for some reason, I didn't save each sig block individually and just had the PDFs of each that I sent to her.
She calls me, it's like 2 am at this point, says that all of the signature lines are wrong, because I used the underline key instead of tabbing over an underline and that if you zoom in, you can see the thickness of the line change. Tells me I have to redo all of them.
I explain that it's going to take some time. She asks me what else I have to do that night, I explain the other work I have. I explain that I have to draft some document by the morning that I had told her I had to do.
She tells me that I have to learn to say no sometimes, otherwise I'm going to ruin my career. I'm spreading myself to thin and if I keep doing this I'm going to wind up losing my job. |
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Date: August 2nd, 2017 10:47 PM Author: Dark Histrionic Piazza Telephone lol. Thank you for this. Did the senior associate become partner or get pushed out? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33907025) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 10:37 AM Author: violent state Did not make partner. She went inhouse somewhere after going on a part time schedule. Same woman also got shitfaced after a work dinner once and got real handsy w/ every guy there. If she was a male partner doing what she did to chicks it would have been a major story. But because it was a female senior associate, we all just got a good laugh. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33909552) |
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Date: April 13th, 2018 5:53 PM Author: Big-titted trump supporter no way someone with that lack of judgment / focus gets promoted (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35835438) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 12:23 AM Author: Ocher Home lol 180 (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33907737) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 3:41 AM Author: bright marketing idea step-uncle's house sounds about right (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33908554) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 3:46 AM Author: Stimulating hateful school rigor ho lee fuk (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33908567) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 9:21 AM Author: Orange antidepressant drug This is biglol (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33909120) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 3:49 AM Author: arousing twinkling kitchen REMINDER
http://www.xoxohth.com/thread.php?thread_id=2898124&mc=57&forum_id=2 |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 4:07 AM Author: bright marketing idea step-uncle's house its hard to remember after a while
I worked with a partner who would turn 20+ drafts of pretty basic documents. He would never develop a cohesive vision of what he wanted a brief to look like, so it would be constant total do-overs, new arguments, etc. etc., all while peppering in over-the-top, misspelled adverbs in every sentence. He also needed everything done immediately, and demanded proof of everything - e.g. Him: "Can you proofread and cite check this appeal brief?" Me: "Yes." Him 10 minutes later: "You need to work faster, I can't wait around for you."
He also, at least a dozen times, dropped massive assignments on me at 7 or 8 at night and demanded 9 am turnarounds even though it wasn't time sensitive. This would also happen on weekends, e.g. get something at 11 pm on a Saturday night demanding that it be ready for him by Sunday morning with no advance warning or need. |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 10:51 AM Author: Ocher Home so you worked for a biglaw partner. got it (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33909621) |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 12:34 PM Author: fighting office Thomas and Alfred were two law partners. Whenever it got hot, they would take their associates up to a cool, green top-floor conference room. Usually they stayed there with the associates all summer. The work their in the conference room was easy, but really boring. All they did was tend their associates all day. They would return to their corner offices at night. Every night they ordered seamless, sent emails, and went to sleep on their office couch.
Then one day, Thomas said "Let's make an of-counsel. We can put it near the mailroom and use it to scare the associates." There was a lawyer they both hated named Harold, so they decided to name the doll Harold and make it look like him. They made it out of mediocrity and gave it a pointlessly narrow specialization, like Harold's. Day after day, they would tie Harold to a pole on the 30th floor to scare the associates. They even brought it to firm meetings. Sometimes, they would talk to it, saying things like "How's it going?" And the other would say in a weird voice "Not good." Of course, Harold wouldn't appreciate it. When they were in a bad mood, they would even curse at him or kick him.
A while later, when Thomas was taking out his anger on Harold, Alfred swore he heard the doll grunt. "Did you hear that? Harold grunted!" "Impossible, he's just a Fordham JD," replied Thomas. Alfred dismissed it, but they both stopped talking to it, kicking it, or even touching it, they just left him neglected in the corner of the mailroom.
After a while, they decided nothing was to be feared. So they went back to their old routine. Every day, they would prop the of counsel up, and bring it back down at night. Then they even started treated him badly again.
One night, Alfred noticed something that scared him. "It looks like Harold is growing." "I was thinking the same," answered Thomas. "Maybe it's just our imagination. I think the breast implant litigation is getting to us." The next morning, they saw Harold stand up and walk, take the elevator to the firm library, and he stayed there all night. In the morning, it came down and stood in the reception area. They got very scared and decided to flee. They took their associates and started heading back down for the main lobby. After going only 20 floors or so, they realized they had forgotten their laptops. They knew they didn't want to deal with the IT faggots to replace them, so Alfred forced himself back to get them. "I'll catch up with you later. You just keep moving." After waiting for a while, Thomas looked at the lobby security camera and did not see Alfred. What he did see,however, horrified him. He saw Harold, on a conference room table, stretching out a bloody piece of flesh to dry in the sun. |
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Date: August 3rd, 2017 12:41 PM Author: razzle wagecucks (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#33910385) |
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Date: February 25th, 2018 3:34 PM Author: Vibrant wrinkle hall (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35484475) |
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Date: February 21st, 2018 7:23 PM Author: Unhinged tanning salon tattoo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35455742) |
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Date: February 21st, 2018 7:57 PM Author: Salmon weed whacker Rate this one:
SJ motion due 5 days after the Super Bowl. Partner says we need the “entire team” in the office all weekend. All associates and another partner on the case, and the main dudes secretary spend the entire weekend there, including the entire Super Bowl. He never shows. Monday morning he tells the client, in front of us, how great his super bowl party was. Case settles Wednesday. Also, Philip Seymour Hoffman died. |
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Date: February 27th, 2018 7:36 PM Author: Unhinged tanning salon tattoo At least you got to wear sandals in the office tho! (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35501484) |
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Date: April 13th, 2018 5:25 PM Author: Flesh Toilet Seat (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#35835222) |
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Date: November 11th, 2025 2:08 PM Author: Don Spaceporn De La Squancha (✅ðŸ‘) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=3689943&forum_id=2#49420779) |