It was actually going well, I was working fairly steadily. Plus I'm asian so recently I got on a foreign language review that paid 55/hr.

But about 2 months ago I got thrown off that review for allegedly missing a couple of docs (honestly my language skills are a bit spotty).

I just got on another project this week, regular English. By far the worst experience ever. They have us in this weird conference room type place in an old ass office building. It's stifling hot in there. No room to space out, they have us packed in like sardines. We have to sign out to use the bathroom. And it's ONE toilet for like 30 of us (men and women), and it never gets cleaned. They had us leave our phones outside the office, and there is no internet access. Plus we aren't allowed to speak to each other.

I walked out today during lunch. On my drive home, I started crying uncontrollably and had to pull over. I cannot believe this is what my life has become.

I came home, briefly thought of killself, popped a Xanax football and now am chilling.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272090)

You fuckers need to think outside of the box.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272283)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274296)

Most people, if they keep their AGI low, will pay back way less than half of what they owe.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275162)

http://www.jdunderground.com/docreview/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274657)

It's just that crazy sense of ENTITLEMENT to a great job with great hours at a great salary because they were one of the lemmings who ran towards law school and paid lots of money to do so.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275129)

Lawyers only care about getting theirs, and they turn the biggest tragedies into nothings as long as they made out okay. Why should anyone pity an asshole who just cares about himself at the end of the day?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275132)

Otherwise going back to school in something might be the only way to wash this shit away.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272197)

LOL JUST LOL AT NYC BIGLAW

You should move to TX everyone's getting jobs now even bottom of class at TTTs

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272146)

On the coding floor itself at Discover Ready, there were "straw bosses" at the "intersection" of every 4 cubicles (these straw-boss desks were exposed) to keep an eye on everyone. All the monitors were turned so that the straw boss could see everyone's screen at all times. They also had a really "loud" screensaver with like flashing orange lights so it would become apparent if anyone let their machine go to sleep. There were also signs everywhere that said "Quiet Please" and things like that. Very much "1984" / George Orwell type stuff.

There are a few decent agencies left (Lexolution is one) who have pretty chill work spaces and no "carding" in and out, but they have very few gigs anymore and most are very short-term.

----------------------------------------------------------

Once you start doing doc review, no one (not even small firms) will take you seriously as a job candidate. It's the kiss of death for your resume.

Worse yet, if you leave the law and start applying to other businesses/coprs for non-legal jobs, everyone asks "why were you never made permanent anywhere" and you're viewed as sort of a "bad penny" who can't hold down a job. Outsiders don't understand that law firms NEVER make doc reviewers into permanent associates, ever.

So in that sense your "career" is basically over before it ever begins. To be honest, I didn't really mind jumping from gig to gig for awhile, back when the $$$ was decent and you got to work with the same friends on different gigs all the time.

But after awhile you start to feel life passing you by, as you stare into a screen hour after endless hour reading 87 page "Tri-Lateral Broker-Dealer Sub Agreement Addendums" and using the mouse to redact (black out) the law firm's name from all 237 times it appears before clicking the "Produce Document" tab. Eating crappy Chinese take out food while the guy six inches to your right bangs his elbow into yours for the 400th time while digging a booger out of his nose and wiping it on a wrinkled copy of yesterday's NY Post.

Weird walking out to the street at 11 pm, the city boils loud, brilliant and alive. It almost overwhelms the senses after having stared into a computer monitor for the past 15 hours. Your eyes need time to adjust: for the first few minutes the headlights and car horns seem like hallucinations from an acid trip. Those were strange days, indeed.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Forget the "same class and year" stuff- there are doc reviewers in their 40s and 50s making $25 an hour in these dungeons. Lawyers with experience you wouldn't believe: solos who once ran their own lucrative practices, former partners at small firms that split up, ex DA and public defenders, etc. The idea that everyone on doc review is a 2.0 GPA type from a Cooley/NYLS type TTT school is absurd, and I hope none of you have to learn this the hard way.

For example, a good buddy of mine from a project once was a partner in a small personal injury firm. Back when these cases were easier to settle, he made as much as 200 K a year. But the carriers started cracking down and making every case into a dogfight, revenue slowly dried up, and eventually they had to close up shop. He tried getting into insurance defense, but those jobs pay so poorly (45 K a year is not unusual, even for people with experience) that he had nowhere else to turn but the doc review dungeons.

Another gal I know was a NJ assistant DA who was let go in the budget cuts. She tried for months to get a job in private practice criminal defense, but sadly those jobs pay even worse than doc review (she was offered 25 K plus a 50/50 split of cases she brought in) by one DWI defense mill, and that was her only offer. Very few shitlawyers can make a living in crim. defense since 95%+ of all criminals just get the public defender.

I had to stop doing doc review largely because seeing (and working in) such an utter & complete waste of human capital gets depressing to the point of suicide after a few years. Understand that in document review you are treated and reminded every working minute that you're a worthless, expendable loser due no courtesy, respect, or treated with any professionalism whatsoever. The firms and agencies will lie about hours, lie about pay rates, lie about project length, and provide you with working conditions so abysmal you'll dread getting up in the morning.

Understand that many doc review jobs get cancelled before they even happen: Skadden was/is notorious for this. They used to staff thru an agency called Clutch Group, and the pay was often above market.

But 9 of 10 times the projects would never happen. I suppose Skadden wanted to have the coders lined up while settlement talks were ongoing so they could "call the bluff" of their adversary and start discovery rolling along quickly if need be.

Back in 2007 I was strung along for 2 weeks waiting on a gig to start: first it was Monday, then Wednesday, then Thursday, then the following Monday, then BAM: the case settled= no project period. So all that time wasted sending resumes, filling out conflict forms, and worst of all turning down other projects in the interim: all for naught. Do you know what it's like to have rent/student loans due and turn down 2 other projects while waiting for Skadden, then find out the rug was pulled out from under you? Then you have to start scouring craigslist all over again and calling all the other agencies begging them to put you on the fist gig that comes in.

Also after you do doc review awhile you start getting "conflicted out" of projects. I conflicted out of nearly every pharma project in 2008-9 because I worked on the huge Seroquel case. So you're stuck either lying to get on the gig, or turning it down and being broke. Some choice, huh?

Here's a terrible story re: that Seroquel case: there were over 300 temps working 90 hour weeks on that gig for the first 3 months of 2008. Once the production date passed, the partner walked into the rooms on a Friday afternoon and said "nothing to worry about, we're now going to start reviewing docs for the state court claims. See you all on Monday morning- go home and have a great weekend. WE're getting out early today so the new docs can be loaded."

So everyone left, and most left their stuff (books, coffee mugs, MP3 players, etc) at their workstations, since we were expressly told to be back at work Monday.

Two hours later the calls starting coming from the agency. "Sorry, but there's been a new development in the case and we're sorry to inform you you've been rolled off this project." They kept only 60 people out of 300.

I was one of those kept aboard. When I came in that Monday, almost all the workstations were getting packed up/dismantled by the tech guys, and the room was completely rearranged.

Here's the worst part: all of the personal items that the fired people had left behind were tossed into one huge pile in front of the downstairs security desk. It looked like those scenes in a prison movie where they "toss the cells." Just a huge heap of coats, sweatshirts, Ipods, coffee mugs, family photos, books/magazines, personal papers, cigarettes etc. It was liked the stuff was dumped from a dump truck: the pile was over 5 feet high. Most people had a good amount of stuff there since we'd been working 15+ hours a day for three months straight, including the weekends.

That day, most of my (former) co-workers trickled back in to claw thru this pile of shit and try to find the stuff they left behind. It was one of the saddest sites I've ever seen. As people plowed thru the stuff, everything was getting all stepped on and dirty. A lot of people wanted to come upstairs and say goodbye to friends etc, but security wouldn't let anyone past the front desk.

The reason the firms do it this way (i.e, lying to your face) is because they are paying the agencies a cut to do this dirty work for them. They're also afraid of people downloading viruses and such to the computers on the way out, and also of people begging them to be kept on the project, etc. It's a messy affair, so they just lie and let others do the dirty work for them.

These are the type of people you guys apparently aspire to work for. People who routinely treat others like expendable pieces of subhuman garbage, and furthermore do so on purpose. People who enjoy treating others like garbage. People who've let the thirst for money & ego override every aspect of life, to the point of essentially becoming a sociopath. People who are such chickenshit cowards that they can't even face people man to man, but have to hide behind lowlife staffing agencies to carry out their miserable directives.

I envy you guys because it's not too late for you. You can still back out and never have to experience this soul-crushing, overrated gutter of an industry. You can actually do something pleasant and productive with your lives, rather than squander your precious youth learning "Rule Against Perpetuities" puzzles and memorizing the "nuances" of UCC 2-207 and the other pointless makework that constitute the bulk of this rotten industry.

-------------------------------------------------------

http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=157855

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272183)

THE

FUCK

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272276)

"But after awhile you start to feel life passing you by, as you stare into a screen hour after endless hour reading 87 page "Tri-Lateral Broker-Dealer Sub Agreement Addendums"

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272477)

Another funny thing about doc review is that you can get "promoted" on long term (like 3 or 4 month projects) to QC (quality control) or "second level review," which means you double-check the work of the regular coders on some sort of random audit basis. That way you can't just "green light" the shitty or non-existent coding of your friends (you see, there used to be projects in the more primitive days of software where you could "batch code"- this is where you hold down CTRL and just mark a whole batch of docs "non-responsive" w/out even opening or reading them). It was great b/c you could do like 100 docs in 10 seconds and then surf the Internet or bullshit for the other 59 minutes of the hour. But the firms wised up to this and can now see how much time you spent on each doc, etc and get all other kinds of stool pidgeon software to abuse and monitor the temps.

Usually you get this QC "promotion" by being a hot chick or; alternatively, not constantly falling asleep and/or drooling on your keyboard. It helps not to cause all kinds of problems either like complaining the room is too hot or chewing up all the pens, etc. Sometimes it's just plain dumb luck- they spin the "Wheel O' Coders" and your number pops up.

You don't get any extra $$$ to be a QC coder, but you often will get to hang on a few extra days after the gig wraps up to finish any stray docs and double-check docs that might actually be responsive (though almost none are- would you trust TTT coders with anything potentially important? enough said).

So I was on this huge doc review for a pharma tort case and somehow got promoted to QC. One day the staff attorney tells me to go help this old bald Indian dude who called himself "Gahdhi" (like prison, most people in doc review have "street names" while on project, in case you haven't noticed). He was a really nice guy and was saving money so he could retire in India. His wife was already over there scouting out houses, etc. His real name was impossible to pronounce unless you have a certain kind of tongue or something, according to him.

Bigger problem is, apparently Gandhi had zero experience using computers, which isn't exactly great news when your job involves using one 16 hours a day. According to the staff attorney, all of the PDF docs that Gandhi was doing redactions on were seriously screwed up, with like half the page blacked out. Rather than "redactions," Gahndi's docs looked like random grafitti or modern art or whatever. Furthermore, his redactions were over parts of the page that were blank to begin with, so something was seriously wrong.

So I go to his workstation to see what's going on and have him pull up a PDF doc. He does and the doc is displayed on the screen sideways. I tell him to rotate the doc and Gandi grabs hold of the whole computer monitor (this was pre-flat screen) and starts trying to turn the entire rig sideways. It was mounted on one of those swivel, ball-joint type bases (remember those?). Before I could tell him that he didn't need to move the monitor upside down and shit, somehow the wires from his monitor unplugged the computer of the chick sitting next to him (as I said, everyone sits elbow to elbow and there are wires all over the place, and like 500 things plugged into one outlet, etc).

So the screen of the chick next to home goes dark, and she starts going utterly batshit crazy and says "This guy is a terrorist, I can't fucking stand him- he does this like 50 times a day! " She was livid and said 'he shouldn't fucking be here if he can't use a computer" and things of that nature. I guess it never occured to her to investigate why Gahndi turned his monitor extremely sideways like 200 times a day, but coders aren't always the most helpful or cordial people. This chick in particular had a reputation for being really aggressive, and for some reason she had like a hundred Bic lighters all over her work table and used to chew on them, etc. They were all gnawed down like those toys you give a gerbil or whatever.

Anyway, Gahndi got really offended that she called him a "terrorist" (this was back when the Iraq war was still big news and such). He was threatening to report her to the staff attorney for racial slurs, etc, and the whole situation was becoming a huge scene. I crawled under the table to try and get the wires plugged back in while the two of them were having at it. It got out of hand pretty quickly and Gandhi starts marching up and knocking on the staff attorneys door.

I got the computers back up and running and like 2 minutes later the staff attorney comes out and calls the chick into the office to get her side of the story. Then like 2 minutes later the aggressive chick storms out, grabs all her lighters and shit off the table, says "Fuck you" to me, and rolls off the project. These randomly aggressive incidents are actually pretty common on doc review, so it wasn't really as big a deal as it would be at a normal job. In fact, my definition of "normal" is now so screwed up I could probably never return to any type of legitimate office environment.

Another funny guy on this project we used to call 'Sloshburg" because he showed up for work reeking of booze every day. One time he came back from lunch all lit up and started turning the lights on and off and like "breathing on people" and such. We're talking heavy Stage IV alcoholism here. He was always bragging about this million-dollar injury case he was "this close" to settling, and how as soon as it came through he was leaving doc review for good. It wasn't unusual. Many coders suffer from what I call "Willy Lohman" syndrome- their grip on reality and their place in the economic pecking order is just totally lost on them. There isn't a coder alive without a stack of cheesy Vista-Print business cards with all sorts of official titles and such like "Law Office of Thomas Montgomery Coder, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, Master of Chancery, King's Bench, Member of the Bar, Juris Doctor, Esquire." It's like some kind of closet "prestige injection" for them, apparently. I think one guy even has his LSAT score on his card, but it was probably like a 149 or whatever.

These cards are of course for their "side practices," which involve getting their brothers/moms/realtives etc. out of speeding tickets and other occasional rinky-dink stuff. What's really funny is that almost all of them use the same Regus mail-drop company in NYC as their "office address," and when they swap cards they'll say things like "oh, our practices are in the same building" and act all important for a few minutes. It gets depressing after awhile seeing these fools carry on this pathetic charade on project after project. The only time I ever had business cards was when I was an associate at the personal injury shop, and they were those cheesy ones from Staples that come on perforated cardstock sheets to print yourself. About a week after I started working there the secretary printed them up and left a stack on my desk. I'd carry the whole sheets in my little briefcase and if someone wanted a card I just ripped one off the sheet, like a dispenser. It was kind of handy, really.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272503)

*joe leers at u with 1 eye, flicking switchblade*

'...he can spot an italicized comma on size 12 documents from 15 feet away.'

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#30942803)

I graduated in 2004 from an NYC Tier One school with a 3.1 GPA. Did an intership both summers, but the gov't agency I interned with did not have any openings when I graduated. I sent out tons of resumes, but when $$$ ran low I registered with the temp agencies and got into Paul Weiss. Then I did a couple SullivanCromwell gigs and left temping for a personal injury firm where I worked as an associate for 45 K and no health benefits. That firm was so miserable I seriously thought about suicide and basically started drinking and doing drugs to cope with stress and depression. I had to keep deferring loans and really couldn't survive on the low salary. I was in the personal injury firm for about one year. Then the partner at the PI firm got disbarred and the other PI firms wouldn't interview me because of having a "stain" like that place on my resume. So my only substantive experience was basically worthless because it came from a place where a guy was getting disbarred for all types of sleazy shit, etc. I didn't really like that type of work anyway- it's a nightmare dealing with injured people and if you can't bring in cases you're pretty much topping out at 50-55 K for a salary.

So I went back into temping for another 3 years or so, and also waited tables and did other non-legal jobs between projects. Doc review wasn't too bad in terms of $$$, but you have to accept being treated like complete and utter garbage all the time. You are in no way a "professional" or accorded any respect or dignity on these gigs. They lie about the project length, lie about the hours, and terminate people with no warning by calling you at 11 pm to say the gig is over. On many projects you can't have your cell phone with you- you have to check it in with the front desk before going to your worskstation, other crappy childish rules like that.

Sometimes I really do wonder how things turned out so bad. Basically my "career" has been nothing but dead-end temp jobs and working for a scumbag firm. At this point I'm pretty much a ruined shell of a person, and plan on moving abroad with my fiancee so we can escape my massive student loan debt and start over elsewhere. She is a former ballet dancer and has an offer to dance with a company in Turkey, so I might take an English teaching job when we get there.

It's too bad student loans can't be discharged in BK. I'd gladly resign from both bars I'm admitted to for the chance at a clean financial start. I've accepted that my legal "career" so to speak is beyond dead, and dead-end temping is the only legal job I'll ever have any chance of getting. With the debt, it's simply impossible for me to "start over" in this country and change careers. Why struggle to pay for another 25 years for an education I'm not even able to use? My hunch is also that things are going to get far, far worse in the USA over the next few years, so it's probably an ideal time to run for the exit.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272622)

Kids from top, top schools usually make lousy coders. For example, I sat next to a guy on an O'Melveny project who I named "Dr. Smell-Good." He wore those Kenneth Cole dress boots that were popular about 8 years ago, but didn't wear socks with them. He'd take them off throughout the day and his feet smelled horrible. He was an NYU grad and got canned from a big firm in the downturn. He was literally boiling with rage at the doc review "lifestyle"- he didn't care for being berated all day and talked to like a 5 year old (which is how doc review just "is." For example, like 20 times a day there are "annoucements" and such and everyone has to move their chairs in a circle and "listen up." It's kinda like prison, but in a funny way. Once you've been on a few gigs you get used to the game and don't really notice anymore how downright sad and degrading this shit is.

Poor ole Dr. Smellgood wouldn't have any part of it. When he told me he went to NYU and I screamed out "you went to NYU are are working HERE? With us losers?" he said "don't say it so loud" and "i'm not a loser, I used to make six digits." I tried to help him get on the beam, but this guy was grinding his molars down to nubs he was so angry at all the typical BS, like having to sign out to use the bathroom and not having soda at your desk, etc. Also on Fridays the temp agency usually brings in free pizza, but one coder has to act as "pizza monitor" because things usually get out of hand with the free grub and all. There are rules like only one slice at a time and no "seconds" until everyone has had a slice. Also no "hoarding" slices for your friends who are out smoking or asleep at their desks, etc. Dr. Smellgood would bitch and moan that he felt it was like kindergarten, etc etc.

I got kinda scared he was gonna bring an AK-47 to work and take us all out in a rage. Luckily that case settled one day at like 10 am and we all got sent home- they even paid us until 12 noon, which is rare.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272762)

*kills self*

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272842)

LOLOLOLOLOL

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#29262332)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274020)

At least accountants are generally fairly autonomous

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274179)

I don't understand how anyone can put up with NYC without at least modest independent wealth. 2 million minimum.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20276503)

hell, let's keep THOSE PEOPLE on JDU

the despair here has its own special tang, we don't want to fuck that up

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272227)

Yeah, there was some azn language doc review in Denver IIRC paying $70+/hr a year or so back.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272261)

Brother, I put my resume up on Monster.com while unemployed and I got called about Japanese and Korean. But I had been meeting with successful legal folks (GCs, partners, e.g.) on and off for a few months for lunch, and they all echoed that doc review was a kiss of death on your resume and you shouldn't even touch it.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272298)

Fortunately, I'm married to a surgeon.

Side note: there are some jx where USAO offices take Special AUSA __volunteers__ with little experience. If you are fortunate enough to be in a place like that, you should take that. "Special AUSA" looks baller. Just wait tables in the evening until you find real work.

While I was unemployed, I managed to find small bidnisses who needed Ks, etc. drawn up for them. That's what I did until I got a real job.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272320)

I omit and lie about all sorts of shit on my resume. NBD. Oh Gee, our Boomer Overlords might find out? So fucking what?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274186)

yes, but then you're working 8+ hour days when you could be LOOKING FOR A REAL JOB during that time

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20277148)

German and Mandarin seem pretty solid too.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272409)

lol tyft

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272901)

You won't learn enough Japanese to do doc review in one year over there, esp not when 1/2 your waking hours, at minimum, will be spent speaking English

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272472)

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20272715)

Go fucking teach English in China/SE Asia. You will be a God there with your J.D. credentials. You can work your way into SOMETHING, especially if you're a white. Doc review in NYC for 2 years straight is a joke

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274184)

I don't think people realize how awful the job market is. Especially in law.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275479)

my car is also extremely fast and very expensive.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274292)

I would probably still go under those circumstances.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20274858)

Isn't that enough for a T10? Doesn't Berkeley or NWern like high GPA splitters?

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20277183)

http://www.docstoc.com/docs/50830877/Big-Debt-Small-Law-blog

Good stuff, dude. Good stuff.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275600)

WAKE UP DRINK SOME MORE DEN PASS BACK OUT

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275432)

At Paul Weiss, for example, they crammed 120 people into a basement room that NYC fire code rated for 80. This was in 2005. Like steerage passengers on the Titanic, we labored in the bowels of the building, right alongside the boilers and HVAC equipment. Lacking air conditioning and adequate ventilation, many came down with colds that went untreated due to the lack of health insurance. A cockroach problem soon erupted due to the crumbs and food garbage strewn about the cellar floor, which was treated with multiple Raid roach fogger bombs. The morning after the exterminators finished, dead roaches littered our keyboards and even crawled, stunted but still living, from the floppy drives and servers!

We were paid $21 an hour, straight time, and required to work from 9 am to 11 pm seven days a week. Forbidden to use the firm’s lavish upstairs restrooms, they had all 120 of us split a pair of airplane sized-bathrooms that were on the Concourse level under the Rock Center, open to the public and a favorite bathing spot for the homeless. One affable homeless chap named “Bones” would use the lone toilet in there as a foot bidet, rinsing his diabetic ulcer in the excrement-caked shitpot and yelling “I’m in here motherfucker!”every time one of us coders needed to relieve himself. Most of us just went next door and used the Heartland Brewery’s bathroom (did I mention that restroom breaks of over six minutes had to be deducted from one’s timesheet? As a coder, bowel movements can quickly cut into the bottom line).

The next stop on my vagabond coding career was Sullivan & Cromwell, that whitest of the white shoe firms. This dump has three levels of sunless, underground bunkers where the temp attorneys and their documents are warehoused, far away from the skyline corner offices where the serious shitpaper gets pushed. It’s like those alternative communities of urban legend that one reads about online: the subway’s “mole people” and such.

You are instructed by your temp agency pimp to meet in the lobby of 125 Broad Street at 9 am sharp, where you assemble as a group to be marched upstairs and “processed” like that busload of inmates from The Shawshank Redemption. Told to dress in a “suit and tie” for the first day, they soon march you downstairs to the dungeon where the “coders for life” toil in pajamas and sweatpants, chanting “new fish, fresh fish, we got new fish today” at the suit – clad newbies who are starting the first day of the rest of their lives. Many start openly weeping into their spiffy leather Perry Ellis portfolios, some even freshly monogrammed as recent law school graduation gifts. Many start bleating mindlessly for the mothers, returning to an infantile state as the overwhelming sadness and abject disappointment slowly seeps in. As I said, welcome ye to the first day of the rest of your life!

Due to their colossal ineptitude, complete lack of common sense, and probably outright billing fraud, squads of coders arrive for the mandatory 14 hour “workdays” only to be kept idly waiting for hour upon endless hour as documents are loaded, clarifications are sought, software is configured, the moon rises in Taurus and Capricorn descends into autumn, etc. It’s rare to squeeze more than 45 minutes of actual coding time into a 14 hour day. Not knowing the Sullivan drill, many newbie coders turn down Sullivan gigs because the long mandatory hours rightly terrify them.

But us veterans know the old “Clownshop” (as the temps call it) all too well. The waiting coders nap, play cards, vandalize the workstations and so on while waiting for documents and instructions that rarely arrive. Some even operate wire fraud scams and lotteries on the S&C computers, thus “double dipping” and making real bank. A cool Nigerian coder even once used the break-room hot plate to cook us all an authentic African ox-tail stew, which ended with a dessert course provided by raiding the partner’s pantry freezer and ripping off a case of ice-cream sandwiches that were meant for some lame Merrill Lynch client meeting or whatever.

http://abovethelaw.com/2009/08/mamas-dont-let-your-babies-grow-up-to-be-contract-attorneys/

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20275541)

lol tyft

This is the exact behavior that some of my partner friends have said to my face prevents them from hiring doc reviewers for associate positions

While unemployed, I had lunch with an IP partner at one of the biggest firms here. I asked about doc review -> associate possibility. The partner told me basically they would rather hire someone like who had been doing doc review for them rather than someone out of nowhere; indeed, this apparently used to be done. HOWEVER (and this was a big however), the doc reviewers all were total fuckups who would scuff up the walls, get pencils stuck in the ceiling etc., so they had decided to automatically consider all doc reviewers fuckups not worth of hiring or even talking to.

(http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=1905137&forum_id=2#20277224)