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Workplace Q: Does Wife Have Duty To Tell Direct Report Honestly That She Sucks?
Poast new message in this thread
Date: January 12th, 2026 11:53 AM Author: Carmine gunner state as u know, wife is a f500 middle manager. one of her direct reports is a relatively junior girl who everyone -- including her team leads, who are also under wife -- thinks is dumb and not much more than minimally competent.
she's been at the same ranking level for years and has been whining for a while a promotion to the next ranking. the previous manager (before my wife) thought she sucked and didnt give her one, and wife doesnt want to either.
the girl seems totally clueless and doesn't seem to get the hint from her team leads that she sucks. the team leads tell wife that she sucks and give her verbal feedback all the time that she sucks, but dont put it in writing during review time.
wife wants to know if she's being unfair to the girl by not telling her directly that she sucks. wife doesnt want to tell her outright that she's got zero chance at a promotion bc she sucks, and instead, bullshits her with general vagueties about how she needs to prove herself to be more valuable to the company to get to the next level.
i said that in the workplace, u have a duty to get the hint and realize you suck and if ur too dumb to figure it out, people dont need to spell it out for you and its on you. thoughts? |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:00 PM Author: cracking heaven reading party It’s bizarre to me that anyone could continue at that level for years and not hear a clear message that they are far off of what is expected to be promoted. That’s like the easiest way to tell someone that they suck. The only exception I would grant is if the manager credibly believes that if the sucky person leaves the result would be that the team is asked to do without the head, which is also plausible when there is a very high likelihood of layoffs on the horizon (so you keep suck girl around to be offered up in the layoff). If you want the suck girl to leave you definitely have to push her some and ideally the team should find out you’re pushing otherwise you are risking losing the good people who have to pick up her slack/deal with her suckiness, whether that’s others on the team or clients/internal stakeholders who are downstream from her shit work product. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583108) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:07 PM Author: Carmine gunner state good poast. u def corporate. never heard the word "stakeholders" in law.
the funny thing is that wife told her recently as "general advice that people told me" that often the best way to advance fast at the company -- which is true everywhere, i imagine -- is to apply for internal recs bc its easier to get a new job than deal with the bureaucracy of promotions which need approvals and other BS.
upon hearing this, she started crying.
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:18 PM Author: Rebellious striped hyena lol at u people hahaahaahahahahaha (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583172) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:38 PM Author: Bistre glittery brunch love of her life Whether languishing at a certian level is a sign of anything depends heavily on the level and role. For some, there just aren't a lot of open positions one level up, and there are plenty of fine performers who go years without a promotion. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583237) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:40 PM Author: Carmine gunner state wife said she's low enough that there's plenty of openings one level up and she could easily get a new internal job if she applied to recs bc nobody is gonna know she sucks if she applies for new jobs, but she's just clueless (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583246) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:57 PM Author: cracking heaven reading party By “at that level” I meant performing poorly enough that multiple managers agree you suck and talk to each other and others on the team about you, not just keeping the same job. Agreed that there are plenty of people who stay at the same level for years and are doing their jobs well and appreciated/respected/safe ie if they gave notice or threatened to leave their managers/management chain would fight to keep them.
At the megacorp I worked at three inhouses ago the GC had an explicit set of conversations with a group of us that we were “pillars” that helped to support his goal to have his “highest performers” circulate through various teams to be prepped for exec roles. In a shocking development it turned out that this boomer’s “highest performers” were mostly attractive females with a few URMs mixed in for DEI insurance. Dude was on a mission to make sure he was eventually replaced by an attractive female. Hilariously he’s still in the job though he’s over 70 now and his attractive female GC staff has stayed because they can’t get better jobs elsewhere. I almost admire how perfectly the dude executed the boomer megacorp playbook.
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Date: January 12th, 2026 2:00 PM Author: Carmine gunner state right. wife's company has plenty of what you described -- unambitious ppl who are safe in their current jobs and arent striving for career advancement, and are doing an above-average job in their current roles.
this girl is different. this girl would be on the chopping block for a sacrifice if layoffs hit. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 5:36 PM Author: Multi-colored insanely creepy dysfunction kitty lmao at that flawless booming (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49584188) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:40 PM Author: Topaz Seedy Crackhouse 99% of people believe they are absolutely indispensable to their employer. there are amazon warehouse peons who honestly think the entire company would collapse without their uniquely valuable contribution. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583249) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:43 PM Author: Carmine gunner state tbf, 99% of biglaw service partners also believe this. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583262) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:33 PM Author: Bistre glittery brunch love of her life Is this still the case? Is it the case with world-weary XO poas? I certainly don't believe it.
Anyway, there might be an ironic inverse relation between people who believe that and people who are realistic and actually valuable to their employer beyond the level of any random replacement. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:43 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret Are you talking about the Dunnning Kruger effect, fellow Redditor? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583538) |
Date: January 12th, 2026 12:19 PM Author: floppy chapel legal warrant wow it sounds like both of these women are really useful and definitely work at real jobs where they actually do stuff that really matters (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583176) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:21 PM Author: Carmine gunner state what's your point?
almost nobody "actually doe[es] stuff that really matters"
99.99% of all white collar jobs are useless
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:43 PM Author: Rebellious striped hyena (nepo jewish person reflecting on himself and his community) (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583263) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:44 PM Author: Razzmatazz cobalt kitchen jews aren't people (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583269) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:52 PM Author: floppy chapel legal warrant i'm not making any point at all i'm just making fun of people i don't like (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583295) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:53 PM Author: Carmine gunner state solid contribution to this thread (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583298) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:39 PM Author: Bistre glittery brunch love of her life Tough situation. What does your wife get out of being more explicit about her performance? Telling her might open a can of worms and cause more problems than it solves. Realistically, she isn't going to start performing better, is she? (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583243) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 12:41 PM Author: Carmine gunner state i dont see what wife gets out of being explicit and i agree it causes problems.
wife "feels bad" that she's leading the girl on by even having these generic conversations about the standards for getting a promotion and how she can do better... without bringing up the elephant in the room -- that she just sucks and nobody wants her to get promoted. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:36 PM Author: Bistre glittery brunch love of her life Meh. Your wife isn't lying, right? If the employee gets better, she'll get promoted. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583497) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:41 PM Author: Carmine gunner state wife's not lying, but she feels like she's hiding the ball and leading her on. wife is giving her generic advice like telling her that the girl needs to take on more leadership roles on her teams, knowing full well that this girl's not going to get leadership roles on her teams bc her team leads think she's an idiot and have already given her leadership roles and she's fucked up. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583532) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:41 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret If she’s some Loser making $120k then she should at least rattle the cage a little bit to get her to gtfo. If she’s making like $27k and would just be replaced by another idiot then continue the kid gloves treatment. Or passive aggressively ask “why do you think you should be promoted?” With uptalk on the last syllable.
Fear of the “can of worms” and “problems” means the company and/or your wife suck imho. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:44 PM Author: Carmine gunner state she's around ~100k i think. wife doesn't necessarily want this girl to leave. she's right at the threshold of minimal competence for her current role.
it's almost impossible to fire someone at this place unless it's part of a round of layoffs, and she's not so bad that it's worth wife going through the trouble to try to fire her.
and if this girl quits, with "hiring freeze" bullshit, they'll make it hard for wife to hire someone new to fill the position, and they could just end up making the rest of the team take on more work. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:46 PM Author: histrionic locale then just leave her the fuck alone (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583548) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:51 PM Author: Carmine gunner state ?
wife never said she wants to get rid of her.
the Q in the OP is whether to be honest w her that she sucks and she's got no chance at a promotion, given that this girl apparently has no clue she sucks. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 2:09 PM Author: histrionic locale poor RC? answer to the question is no, obviously. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583649) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:48 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret That just means that the company sucks and has bs HR bureaucrats who Protect the Company by retaining idiots
Is the promotion like Roman Numeral II or something lol
Anyway if you’re coaching a Woman manager I like my uptalk idea tbh |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:51 PM Author: Carmine gunner state u seem really stupid. i said it's a F500. they all have "bs HR bureaucrats who Protect the Company by retaining idiots" (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583581) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:55 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret I am stupid imo and yes they’re all like this. But there’s no reason for you to point it out other than to emphasize that it’s more the case there than usual. If the company is retarded then it’s not worth the effort to correct the situation imho. That’s why she inherited the situation the way that it is. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583604) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:57 PM Author: Carmine gunner state no idea wtf ur babbling about. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583612) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 2:11 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret You’re gay imo (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583653) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 3:57 PM Author: Rebellious striped hyena he's a HUGE faggot and ALSO a pedophile (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583965) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 4:57 PM Author: Wine irate whorehouse regret I can tell (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49584089) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:52 PM Author: Cerise Excitant Menage Alpha assuming this is a stable company and the girl's mediocrity isn't hurting your wife or her team, your wife's goal should be to keep her around while growing her as an employee. wife should make people that employee's growth rate is solely self-driven. some people need different kids of motivation or situations to grow.
a good manager in this situation gives a explicit, specific set of actions that spell out what's needed to get to the next level. given this isn't an up or out situation, she should keep the girl around or have a frank conversation if she thinks she needs a change of pace or situation to get to the next level. |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 1:58 PM Author: Cerebral Shrine Ceo go to quora (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583614) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 2:01 PM Author: Carmine gunner state it told me to come here (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583626) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 3:53 PM Author: flushed aromatic antidepressant drug jap I definitely read this as whether your wife needs to announce that she (your wife) sucks to her underlings. (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583956) |
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Date: January 12th, 2026 4:07 PM Author: Carmine gunner state that's why you need to read the poast. can only cram so many characters into the thread title (http://www.autoadmit.com/thread.php?thread_id=5821076&forum_id=2#49583980) |